skd
04-14 10:53 AM
That is why I wanted to know
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pointlesswait
09-08 11:59 AM
you will be better off trying one of the nationalized banks....PVT banks are all jazz...
I have a NRI HL from vijaya bank..
HDFC is good...
ICICI..<--not a big fan!
I'm looking for homeloan options in India. Which bank would be good to apply for home loans.
Was thinking about ICICI bank but got scared after going through the other thread about how ICICI bank is into stealing.
I would appreciate it if anyone can give me few suggestions on this.
Thank you.
I have a NRI HL from vijaya bank..
HDFC is good...
ICICI..<--not a big fan!
I'm looking for homeloan options in India. Which bank would be good to apply for home loans.
Was thinking about ICICI bank but got scared after going through the other thread about how ICICI bank is into stealing.
I would appreciate it if anyone can give me few suggestions on this.
Thank you.
chandsri81
04-25 02:16 PM
Thank you for your reassurance. I will Give the bank the I140 notice as well. I would hate to lostme the house after coming so far. Which bank did you go with?
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harivenkat
08-12 11:37 AM
Just dont get what the senator is intending here ....
"The business model of these newer companies is not to make any new products or technologies like Microsoft or Apple does. Instead, their business model is to bring foreign tech workers into the United States who are willing to accept less pay than their American counterparts, place these workers into other companies in exchange for a �consulting fee,� and transfer these workers from company to company in order to maximize profits from placement fees. In other words, these companies are petitioning for foreign workers simply to then turn around and provide these same workers to other companies who need cheap labor for various short term projects."
Does this mean every H1b at MS, Apple invents ipod, iphone, USB etc.... and there is no similarity in the nature of work done by him compared to that coming from a consulting company at a client site..... he talks about products or technologies but what about services/speciality occupation using these products/technologies ... that is exactly what most of the IT sector does....
"The H-1B is a non-immigrant visa in the United States under the Immigration and Nationality Act, section 101(a)(15)(H). It allows U.S. employers to temporarily employ foreign workers in specialty occupations."
Not sure if senator is missing it or dodging it ....
"The business model of these newer companies is not to make any new products or technologies like Microsoft or Apple does. Instead, their business model is to bring foreign tech workers into the United States who are willing to accept less pay than their American counterparts, place these workers into other companies in exchange for a �consulting fee,� and transfer these workers from company to company in order to maximize profits from placement fees. In other words, these companies are petitioning for foreign workers simply to then turn around and provide these same workers to other companies who need cheap labor for various short term projects."
Does this mean every H1b at MS, Apple invents ipod, iphone, USB etc.... and there is no similarity in the nature of work done by him compared to that coming from a consulting company at a client site..... he talks about products or technologies but what about services/speciality occupation using these products/technologies ... that is exactly what most of the IT sector does....
"The H-1B is a non-immigrant visa in the United States under the Immigration and Nationality Act, section 101(a)(15)(H). It allows U.S. employers to temporarily employ foreign workers in specialty occupations."
Not sure if senator is missing it or dodging it ....
more...
makemygc
07-06 01:01 PM
My lawyer told me that they are working on something to accept all applications which reached on july ... lets hope he is right.
Dude enough of your and your lawyer's crap. I just checked your last post. This is what you claim your lawyer said and this was posted couple of days back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I called my lawyer he said the are accepting applications which reached there before 12:15. does anybody have news like that or he just lying....
Dude enough of your and your lawyer's crap. I just checked your last post. This is what you claim your lawyer said and this was posted couple of days back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I called my lawyer he said the are accepting applications which reached there before 12:15. does anybody have news like that or he just lying....
abhijitp
07-06 10:04 AM
Hello Julia,
Thank you very much for your excellent coverage of this issue. Tens of thousands of legal immigrants were affected by this decision, and at least hundreds of dollars wasted by every applicant. The loss of opportunity because of this abrupt door-shutting act is of course much more, but we demand that at least these monetary damages are taken note of, and paid for. Ideally, the government agencies that slammed the door on us should accept our applications, and thereby keep the promise they made to us on June 13, 2007.
If you need more information on how this event has affected me and my fellow prospective legal immigrants, please visit http://www.immigrationvoice.org, a non profit organization that is working for the rights of prospective legal immigrants to the USA.
Thank you very much for your excellent coverage of this issue. Tens of thousands of legal immigrants were affected by this decision, and at least hundreds of dollars wasted by every applicant. The loss of opportunity because of this abrupt door-shutting act is of course much more, but we demand that at least these monetary damages are taken note of, and paid for. Ideally, the government agencies that slammed the door on us should accept our applications, and thereby keep the promise they made to us on June 13, 2007.
If you need more information on how this event has affected me and my fellow prospective legal immigrants, please visit http://www.immigrationvoice.org, a non profit organization that is working for the rights of prospective legal immigrants to the USA.
more...
JunRN
09-30 03:34 PM
Don't expect anything from Nebraska Service Center today. Somebody from who live few minutes away from NSC said that the parking lot at NSC is empty today. Yesterday, she saw that it was full from 7 to 12 nn but was empty in the afternoon.
What we can expect is only automatic LUDs. No overtime work for NSC. Have they used up all the FY2007 visas? They must have....if not, this fact can be used against them when we file a complain.
What we can expect is only automatic LUDs. No overtime work for NSC. Have they used up all the FY2007 visas? They must have....if not, this fact can be used against them when we file a complain.
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paskal
08-13 05:50 PM
now can all the 7.55 am filers breathe easy and work for the rally?
let's go guys- end retrogression forever and ever...never again worry about the time fedex delivered- sounds good? see you in DC 9/18!
let's go guys- end retrogression forever and ever...never again worry about the time fedex delivered- sounds good? see you in DC 9/18!
more...
kartikiran
12-10 04:59 PM
Ugh, I want to cry right about now. :o
I am with you Almond. After waiting for 12 long years in USA and 8 long years for a GC, the tunnel is still dark.
I am with you Almond. After waiting for 12 long years in USA and 8 long years for a GC, the tunnel is still dark.
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lskreddy
04-30 03:01 PM
Mr. Aytes talked about procedural changes that they undertook which moved them away from First in, first out. They are now approving petitions (not just adjustments -485's) which would have an opportunity to immigrate sooner, like a person from ROW.
No wonder my 140 is stuck..Damn..
No wonder my 140 is stuck..Damn..
more...
fromnaija
06-01 03:31 PM
No this does not apply to 485. It affects only immigrant 140 petition for alien worker.
AILA (http://www.aila.org/) has an analysis of the immigration bill in an article "Top 5 Concerns Regarding Employment-Based Immigration in S. 1348":
there is a disturbing section in there:
Gaps in Green Card Availability � Immigrant visa petitions filed after May 15, 2007 on the basis of the current employment-based preference system will be rejected. � During the period between May 15, 2007 and the date the new merit based system is up and running (likely October 1, 2008), no new employment-based green card applications can be filed.
Any validity to this claim ?
If so, Does this mean that all I-485 that can be filled with the latest jump in priority date will be voided ?
Is this valid/legal ?
AILA (http://www.aila.org/) has an analysis of the immigration bill in an article "Top 5 Concerns Regarding Employment-Based Immigration in S. 1348":
there is a disturbing section in there:
Gaps in Green Card Availability � Immigrant visa petitions filed after May 15, 2007 on the basis of the current employment-based preference system will be rejected. � During the period between May 15, 2007 and the date the new merit based system is up and running (likely October 1, 2008), no new employment-based green card applications can be filed.
Any validity to this claim ?
If so, Does this mean that all I-485 that can be filled with the latest jump in priority date will be voided ?
Is this valid/legal ?
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Jimi_Hendrix
10-26 05:42 PM
Why you need to support legal immigration reforms?
I am a legal immigrant to United States and my permanent residency application is pending because of backlogs in the current immigration system. There is a combination of factors leading to the current backlog in the legal immigration system. Periodic legalization of undocumented workers, insufficient resources, procedural inefficiencies and poor understanding of the legal immigration problem by congressional representatives are some of the contributory factors.
Current immigration reform is primarily focused on illegal immigration reform. Typically, legal immigration is folded into a bill/Act which primarily supports illegal immigration. It is crucial that the contributions of legal immigrants be appreciated. Highly skilled, legal immigration adds to scarce skills and training in the American workforce. They improve productivity and quality of work to keep America competitive. These immigrants also pay taxes at higher rates. Further they are not entitled to most of their social security benefits unless they have worked for a certain number of years in USA. Legal immigrants act as role models because they enter the country legally. They act as safe anchors to curb outsourcing by providing foreign talent locally. An average legal immigrant integrates easily into the American social cauldron, is law abiding and is favorable towards charity and social participation.
Now that you have a decent appreciation of legal immigrant contributions, let us take a look at the problems faced by them. It takes anywhere between 6-8 years on an average to process permanent residency applications of legal immigrants. During majority of this 6-8 year period,
1) Legal immigrants cannot change employers and/or job title
2) Spouses of legal immigrants cannot work unless they have separate work authorization
3) All major financial and career decisions are on a hold
4) Children of legal immigrants are unable to earn certain education benefits available to permanent residents/citizens
5) Immigrants are reluctant to visit their home countries because of increased scrutiny at the border due to the lack of permanent residency/citizenship privileges. There is no assurance that the immigrant will be able to re-enter USA
6) Work and Travel Permits need to be renewed every year i.e. new fees are charged by USCIS each year for renewal. This step not only involves financial cost but also induces fresh anxiety about whether the permits will be approved without problems and on time.
Due to lack of sufficient visa availability, legal immigrant applications are backed up solid. An important factor responsible for current backlogs is inefficient processing of applications. USCIS, FBI and Department of Labor are trying their best to cope with the huge immigration backlog work. However, some processes move faster while others take unreasonably long. Efficiency in one process is compensated by complete lack of efficiency in some other processes. The cumulative effect of these factors is tremendous frustration among legal immigrants. Many of these immigrants are actively looking for work in other countries where immigration laws are favorable to legal immigration and advanced skills are in demand. Compared to USA, time taken for obtaining permanent residency in some countries is approximately 75-80 percent shorter. While majority of immigrants are skill-based immigrants in top immigration-friendly countries, in the USA skill-based immigration constitutes a minority of immigrants. The lack of adequate immigration benefits is often cited as one of the factors promoting illegal immigration. It is clear that the current system is antiquated and needs a major overhaul.
Lately, an awareness campaign has been launched by Immigration Voice (6,400 strong group representing skilled, legal immigrants). Immigration Voice represents more than 500,000 bright and innovative minds in the country. As a result of Immigration Voice’s campaign and the ongoing immigration debate, some politicians have a better understanding and appreciation of legal immigration issues. Accordingly, the SKIL bill was introduced by Senator Cornyn and Kyl in the Senate and recently this bill was also introduced in the House of Representatives. The SKIL bill supports reform in the legal immigration system. Comprehensive Immigration Reform is frozen in view of approaching elections and earlier political deadlock. It is expected that Congress will be attend to pending immigration needs after the elections. In the meantime, it is imperative to garner support for legal immigration reform. After all, the efficiency of the legal immigration system will encourage future generation of immigrants to come to America legally. Will the average American citizen support this law abiding means of immigration? Or will the average legal immigrant fall victim to the vicious campaign of anti-immigrant extremism? The American public must take a stand and defend the American dream.
Best Regards,
JH
=============
published on nov 16, 2006
http://news.ncmonline.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=86f99ab1b7774fc7f6a26 f10eb4183ba
I am a legal immigrant to United States and my permanent residency application is pending because of backlogs in the current immigration system. There is a combination of factors leading to the current backlog in the legal immigration system. Periodic legalization of undocumented workers, insufficient resources, procedural inefficiencies and poor understanding of the legal immigration problem by congressional representatives are some of the contributory factors.
Current immigration reform is primarily focused on illegal immigration reform. Typically, legal immigration is folded into a bill/Act which primarily supports illegal immigration. It is crucial that the contributions of legal immigrants be appreciated. Highly skilled, legal immigration adds to scarce skills and training in the American workforce. They improve productivity and quality of work to keep America competitive. These immigrants also pay taxes at higher rates. Further they are not entitled to most of their social security benefits unless they have worked for a certain number of years in USA. Legal immigrants act as role models because they enter the country legally. They act as safe anchors to curb outsourcing by providing foreign talent locally. An average legal immigrant integrates easily into the American social cauldron, is law abiding and is favorable towards charity and social participation.
Now that you have a decent appreciation of legal immigrant contributions, let us take a look at the problems faced by them. It takes anywhere between 6-8 years on an average to process permanent residency applications of legal immigrants. During majority of this 6-8 year period,
1) Legal immigrants cannot change employers and/or job title
2) Spouses of legal immigrants cannot work unless they have separate work authorization
3) All major financial and career decisions are on a hold
4) Children of legal immigrants are unable to earn certain education benefits available to permanent residents/citizens
5) Immigrants are reluctant to visit their home countries because of increased scrutiny at the border due to the lack of permanent residency/citizenship privileges. There is no assurance that the immigrant will be able to re-enter USA
6) Work and Travel Permits need to be renewed every year i.e. new fees are charged by USCIS each year for renewal. This step not only involves financial cost but also induces fresh anxiety about whether the permits will be approved without problems and on time.
Due to lack of sufficient visa availability, legal immigrant applications are backed up solid. An important factor responsible for current backlogs is inefficient processing of applications. USCIS, FBI and Department of Labor are trying their best to cope with the huge immigration backlog work. However, some processes move faster while others take unreasonably long. Efficiency in one process is compensated by complete lack of efficiency in some other processes. The cumulative effect of these factors is tremendous frustration among legal immigrants. Many of these immigrants are actively looking for work in other countries where immigration laws are favorable to legal immigration and advanced skills are in demand. Compared to USA, time taken for obtaining permanent residency in some countries is approximately 75-80 percent shorter. While majority of immigrants are skill-based immigrants in top immigration-friendly countries, in the USA skill-based immigration constitutes a minority of immigrants. The lack of adequate immigration benefits is often cited as one of the factors promoting illegal immigration. It is clear that the current system is antiquated and needs a major overhaul.
Lately, an awareness campaign has been launched by Immigration Voice (6,400 strong group representing skilled, legal immigrants). Immigration Voice represents more than 500,000 bright and innovative minds in the country. As a result of Immigration Voice’s campaign and the ongoing immigration debate, some politicians have a better understanding and appreciation of legal immigration issues. Accordingly, the SKIL bill was introduced by Senator Cornyn and Kyl in the Senate and recently this bill was also introduced in the House of Representatives. The SKIL bill supports reform in the legal immigration system. Comprehensive Immigration Reform is frozen in view of approaching elections and earlier political deadlock. It is expected that Congress will be attend to pending immigration needs after the elections. In the meantime, it is imperative to garner support for legal immigration reform. After all, the efficiency of the legal immigration system will encourage future generation of immigrants to come to America legally. Will the average American citizen support this law abiding means of immigration? Or will the average legal immigrant fall victim to the vicious campaign of anti-immigrant extremism? The American public must take a stand and defend the American dream.
Best Regards,
JH
=============
published on nov 16, 2006
http://news.ncmonline.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=86f99ab1b7774fc7f6a26 f10eb4183ba
more...
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sanjay
09-09 05:01 PM
Contributed a small amount of $100.
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ANGEL
07-29 07:58 PM
hello there,
i was not around for few days,just read your post.KABAYAN!I am also from the Philippines.I am not a derivative from my wife's visa,I am under the sched a category being sponsored by the hospital where my wife is working.i just had my ds230 filed and GOD knows how long is the wait this time.once visa numbers become available,you and your family will be first in line at least.your PD is 2005 so the chances of getting ahead in line is good,just make sure all is flawless,i mean requirements and all.good luck to all of us.where in pinas are you at?
i was not around for few days,just read your post.KABAYAN!I am also from the Philippines.I am not a derivative from my wife's visa,I am under the sched a category being sponsored by the hospital where my wife is working.i just had my ds230 filed and GOD knows how long is the wait this time.once visa numbers become available,you and your family will be first in line at least.your PD is 2005 so the chances of getting ahead in line is good,just make sure all is flawless,i mean requirements and all.good luck to all of us.where in pinas are you at?
more...
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sands_14
01-06 12:58 PM
I e-filed for AP?
I have been asked to send ADIT photographs not computer photographs?
Anybody knows what ADIT means???
I am confused...
Please advise.
I just read that ADIT photographs used to be the norm till 2004,is it changing again from passport style photos to ADIT?The RFE I received for my AP clearly asking for ADIT photographs.Now where do I get these ADIT photographs???Any ideas.URGENT Please.
I have been asked to send ADIT photographs not computer photographs?
Anybody knows what ADIT means???
I am confused...
Please advise.
I just read that ADIT photographs used to be the norm till 2004,is it changing again from passport style photos to ADIT?The RFE I received for my AP clearly asking for ADIT photographs.Now where do I get these ADIT photographs???Any ideas.URGENT Please.
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NolaIndian32
05-24 04:49 PM
Please contribute IVians. We need your support to lobby for the current bills which have been introduced.
My perspective on contributing to IV, is that I would gladly contribute $100 if there was a chance that I can get my gc a few months faster because of the efforts of IV.
Got GC Stress??
Contribute To IV Today!!
My perspective on contributing to IV, is that I would gladly contribute $100 if there was a chance that I can get my gc a few months faster because of the efforts of IV.
Got GC Stress??
Contribute To IV Today!!
more...
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RNGC
06-24 09:44 AM
these were the kind of points I was looking for.....I will do this as my summer essay :) and share with IV when it is done.
America is definitely losing out because of prolonged Green card processing. I know of many well educated PostGraduates, Physicians who were not able to pursue their careers in Research, fellowships because they have to be stuck in one fixed position without any progress to obtain the green card. they are being denied of the opportunity to find new cures, innovations that could potentially help the humanity. true US is getting the taxes from the main H1 applicant, but what about the well educated spouses and dependants. don't they have a role in contributing to the development of the country, they are made to pay higher tuition fees and they cannot work on dependent status. Only the lucky few who were able to fille for I-485 in 2007 got their EADs, but what about the long waiting for 485 filing and EAD since 2000 and before? Even today you if you are EB3 or EB2, you cannot apply for 485 and so your family cannot get EAD and so cannot work.
Many software professional and other highly educated workers can contribute much more to the Economy like how they did in 1990s by becoming enterpreneurs, but they will not be able to do anything while on "temporary visas" as they are much more concerned about maintaining their status, extending their status every few years. many people are even hesitant to buy a house, agree a few of us have bought houses and other properties, but vast majority of us are still very hesitant to do it as we can never feel fully secure of our job. If you have the Greencard you will atleast be confident that you can find a job in the area where you buy the house.
If you look at the procedures for Drivers licenses, even though the legal workers go through rigorous security checks while obtaining visas and changing/extending status with USCIS and almost all of them are verywell educated and very responsible, you have to go through a big hassle to obtain the Drivers licences and some people are being made to wait for months even after providing all the required documentation. In some states, dependents are not given Drivers Licenses and in other states, you legal workers/students get a "special drivers license" with which there is much scope for being discriminated just on the basis of this license, and if you move to a different state, this special license is not recognized and you have to apply for a fresh license, take written test, driving test and go through all the hassles again even though you have been driving in US legally for more than 10 years.
these hard working young professionals are losing the most important phase of their lives waiting for the elusive greencard and by the time the get it they are much older and don't have the same zeal for new ideas like how they did before and end up taking care of other responsibilities including family. I can go on and on like this. after we have been through all these testing circumstances, please do not say that America has not lost anything, but the biggest losers of all are the legal immigrants.
this is a process where there are no winners, but only losers. this lengthy backlogged process is resulting in a great loss to the advancement of US and would be legal immigrants
America is definitely losing out because of prolonged Green card processing. I know of many well educated PostGraduates, Physicians who were not able to pursue their careers in Research, fellowships because they have to be stuck in one fixed position without any progress to obtain the green card. they are being denied of the opportunity to find new cures, innovations that could potentially help the humanity. true US is getting the taxes from the main H1 applicant, but what about the well educated spouses and dependants. don't they have a role in contributing to the development of the country, they are made to pay higher tuition fees and they cannot work on dependent status. Only the lucky few who were able to fille for I-485 in 2007 got their EADs, but what about the long waiting for 485 filing and EAD since 2000 and before? Even today you if you are EB3 or EB2, you cannot apply for 485 and so your family cannot get EAD and so cannot work.
Many software professional and other highly educated workers can contribute much more to the Economy like how they did in 1990s by becoming enterpreneurs, but they will not be able to do anything while on "temporary visas" as they are much more concerned about maintaining their status, extending their status every few years. many people are even hesitant to buy a house, agree a few of us have bought houses and other properties, but vast majority of us are still very hesitant to do it as we can never feel fully secure of our job. If you have the Greencard you will atleast be confident that you can find a job in the area where you buy the house.
If you look at the procedures for Drivers licenses, even though the legal workers go through rigorous security checks while obtaining visas and changing/extending status with USCIS and almost all of them are verywell educated and very responsible, you have to go through a big hassle to obtain the Drivers licences and some people are being made to wait for months even after providing all the required documentation. In some states, dependents are not given Drivers Licenses and in other states, you legal workers/students get a "special drivers license" with which there is much scope for being discriminated just on the basis of this license, and if you move to a different state, this special license is not recognized and you have to apply for a fresh license, take written test, driving test and go through all the hassles again even though you have been driving in US legally for more than 10 years.
these hard working young professionals are losing the most important phase of their lives waiting for the elusive greencard and by the time the get it they are much older and don't have the same zeal for new ideas like how they did before and end up taking care of other responsibilities including family. I can go on and on like this. after we have been through all these testing circumstances, please do not say that America has not lost anything, but the biggest losers of all are the legal immigrants.
this is a process where there are no winners, but only losers. this lengthy backlogged process is resulting in a great loss to the advancement of US and would be legal immigrants
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prem_goel
07-06 10:56 AM
I think the impetus required by IV will take time. Just 2 years ago, most of us got EADs/APs for themselves. It'll take time for the frustration to build up in those people who missed the boat. Their numbers are not many. It'll be a while before their numbers grow and they demand some kind of similar action from the US government.
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centaur
07-20 05:42 PM
Correct me if I am wrong, ---but I thought that "This Ammendment" was attached to a defence bill. I dont think that it was the ammendment that was shot down, but the whole defence bill.
hindu_king
03-04 12:04 PM
LOL. I think you meant JP Morgan Chase :) CHEVY CHASE is an actor.
Try www.google.com
Try www.google.com
xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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